Transformers Collaborative: G.I. Joe Mash-Up, Megatron H.I.S.S. Tank and Baroness: A toy almost 40 years in the making.

Don't call it a comeback...
 
With every toy release, certain things will always be prioritized over others. Some are hard limits, such as budget and complexity requirements; others are goals to strive for over others. Transformers Legacy aims to bring beloved characters from all across the 38-year history of the Transformers brand together into a unified theme. On the other hand, Transformers Studio Series tries to balance accurate robot modes with the accuracy of licensed vehicles from the six (as of the time of writing) live-action Transformers movies. G.I. Joe Classified's primary goal is to modernize the 3.75-inch 80's G.I. Joe toys while sprinkling in more modernized characters and versions of the Real American Hero icons. With every priority, something is sacrificed. Some characters in Legacy either feel too faithful to the originals or not faithful enough, thanks to the attempts at a unified theme. The need for accurate vehicle modes in Studio Series has led to large chunks of (primarily) car mode panels hanging off the robots' backs due to the complexity of the movie designs. Some designs in the Classified line feel too rooted in the 80's aesthetic, making things feel more like a hodgepodge of goals when you start looking at the line as a whole. The point of all of this? Well, it would be an understatement to say that this toy has to do a lot. 

G.I. Joe and Transformers are no strangers to each other. Many eras of comics intertwine the two brands together; references to G.I. Joe have been found in Transformers multiple times, from Marissa Fairborn in the Generation 1 cartoon being written as the daughter of Flint and Lady Jaye, Old Snake being an alias of Cobra Commander, and even in Transformers Prime where the military planes Agent Fowler uses in the attack on the Decepticon's base on earth being called Skystrikers. When it came to toys, though, while there were a few over the years, including Energon Snowcat, Combiner Wars Viper, numerous G.I. Joe and Cobra vehicles repainted as Transformers characters, and a subscription service figure of Serpent O.R to name a small handful of them, none of it hit the need that a lot of fans of both brands were after. Iconic Transformers characters transforming into G.I. Joe and Cobra vehicles that could interact with the 3.75-inch RAH figures. Right before this toy was revealed, I posted an opinion piece on the possibility of getting transforming Joe and Cobra vehicles in the modern Transformers scale, something that would have sacrificed the 3.75-inch compatability for cost and size, as it seemed like getting it all was going to be an impossible feet, something that this toy (depending on who you ask) confirms or debunks that belief. Megatron, leader of the Decepticons, transforming into the iconic Cobra H.I.S.S Tank and including... a Retro O-Ring Baroness with it... okay, maybe not the perfect combo, but it does leave the door open for Cobra Commander coming with a possible Starscream. Is it everything fans have wanted? Well, if you got the hint from the very first paragraph, not quite. 

I'll start small and work my way up, which means we're starting with the O-Ring Baroness. "What is it?" "What does O-Ring mean?" effectively, it's a re-release of the 1984 Baroness figure. The only potential difference is that the O-Ring (a name given to a rubber ring inside most of, if not every 3.75-inch G.I. Joe toy from the '80s that held the torso together while giving the figures a waist swivel and ab crunch) is made of a different, apparently more robust rubber. Seeing this next to the H.I.S.S Tank driver that came with the Retro H.I.S.S III, I can see the differences between the two engineering styles. Baroness is noticeably smaller and a bit more restricted in certain areas of articulation, though the only thing I wish she had was a wrist swivel to help make the laser gun she comes with look more natural in her hands. She also helps to highlight the moulding changes they make in the H.I.S.S III to accommodate the taller driver, with things like the foot pegs on the back being a different, smaller size.

 
The sculpting work on her is nice, though there are certain elements where I can see what they were going for, but it doesn't quite work. The sculpting on her boots makes it look like she's wearing baggy pants hidden under black armour, while her glasses look more like large painted circles rather than eyewear. The way the rest of Baroness's face is sculpted as well reminds me of Daria from Bevis and Butt-head. She looks bored rather than threatening. The giant laser rifle looks okay, just awkward in her hand thanks to the way the hands were moulded, and you can't get her to look like she's shooting at someone. The backpack is a nice inclusion, though all it does is act like a decorative screw hole cover, with the only noteworthy thing about it being the sculpted Cobra logo on it. I don't think she's inherently wrong, but I will admit my experience with her figures in the Classified line ahead of time is causing me to be more critical of her. Sometimes it is difficult to objectively judge an older product when you've had more experience with later versions (why do you think I'll never review an original G1 Transformer?). Suppose you're a Joe fan, especially a vintage/ retro collector. In that case, you'll appreciate getting this more than any Transformer fan picking the set up as to them, she comes off more as an accessory, especially with all the ways that the 3.75-inch figures can interact with Megatron. 

 
While usually, I would go from vehicle mode to robot mode when discussing Transformers, I want to save the vehicle mode for last as the vehicle mode is one of the biggest priorities for this figure, even more than the robot mode. You will be disappointed if you're a Transformers fan who wants a Megatron. While this Megatron has an impressive size and mass to him, it doesn't feel like a cohesive blend of Decepticon and Cobra due to the reliance on the Generation 1 look. The black HISS Tank pieces hang off of the mainly grey Megatron, resulting in a very cumbersome-looking robot mode, almost on a level like many Beast Wars figures, especially Beast Wars II and Beast Wars Neo toys. The plastic choice and lack of weight for what is effectively a Commander Class figure also give the toy a little knock-off feel too it, though I think some who have reviewed this toy already have exaggerated this element of the toy. The toy is, unfortunately, very hollow, with almost none of the H.I.S.S Tank mass trying to hide this fact. Though it might be Commander Class in price, it doesn't feel like Commander Class in hand, likely due to the fact that this wasn't given a Commander Class budget in development due to the need to include The Baroness. This toy feels like a Leader Class toy blown up to Commander Class size, so I recommend getting it at a price closer to that Leader Class price if you can. I got the toy for just under $100, which helps make the figure feel better than it would have at $120.

 
In terms of functionality, there are some interesting elements of play that can be found here. The H.I.S.S Tank's turret is still fully functional, meaning that you can have Baroness or any other 3.75-inch figure man the Diablo Cannons while riding on Megatron's back. Said cannons, along with Megatron's Fusion Cannon, are compatible with the blast effects pieces that came with some of the War for Cybertron Trilogy figures, and due to the cannons being Transformer standard 5mm connections to the toy, you could arm any figure with the cannons, and replace them with many different combinations of Transformers weapons. As inconsequential as that might be for many, I love that because it adds a level of novel stupidity to the toy I genuinely love. Want to give the H.I.S.S Tank a pair of Optimus' Ion Blaster? You can do that. Starscream's Null Rays? Sure. Are you like me and have way too many copies of the War for Cybertron Megatron toy and want to arm the H.I.S.S Tank with multiple Fusion Cannons? Completely doable. The choice is yours and yours alone. Another thing about this toy that is funnier than it has any right to be is the fact that the plugs typically meant for standing figures behind the H.I.S.S Tank still exist on this toy, meaning that when that otherwise meaningless piece of plastic is used as "Megatron's Shield" in robot mode, you can have troopers dangling for dear life while Megatron uses them as meat shields. Sure, none of this is intentional, but it makes the figure more entertaining and helps to cover up its shortcomings in robot mode. 

Many of the shortcomings in Robot mode can be traced back to the need to be as close to a 1:1 recreation of the 1983 H.I.S.S Tank, and in the vehicle mode is where this toy shines, though I think they could have deviated a little more. One of the things I love about this toy compared to the H.I.S.S III release is that almost all the stickers from the original toy are now painted details. The 788 number at the front, the light bar, the Cobra faction logos, and the only sticker missing when compared to the H.I.S.S III is the turret control panel. However, I feel it's a missed opportunity not to have some brand crossover with the decorations. Things like a mashup of the Cobra and Decepticon logos like what they did with the Combiner Wars Viper toy, potentially a "kill count" detail on the side that could show how many Autobots and G.I. Joes have been killed, little things like those to help blend the two brands in this mode. An impressive feat for this toy is that, except for some gap lines on the body and a few Megatron pieces poking out, you can hardly tell that this toy transforms. It would almost effortlessly blend in with a collection of vintage H.I.S.S Tanks without anyone noticing (depending on if you're storing the Fusion Cannon on him, of course, that is a bit of a dead giveaway). The functionality of the original toy is also carried over into this toy, with the cockpit able to house a figure as a driver, the turret able to be manned by a figure, and two more able to ride on the back. A tow hook is also included to allow the tank to tow any of the portable artillery found in the Real American Hero toyline back in the 80s. However, I don't know how compatible it is as I don't own any tow vehicles. Unlike the original H.I.S.S Tank, the Vulcan Turrets can move independently, allowing them to look more dynamic for display and play, further emphasized by the aforementioned blast effects posts. The H.I.S.S Tank mode is undoubtedly the star of the show, but is it worth the complete package?

 
Is this a good H.I.S.S Tank toy? Yes... but there are some compromises for the sake of Megatron. Is this a good Megatron toy? No. You're likely better off getting either a dedicated H.I.S.S Tank or a dedicated Megatron toy. Does this blend the two franchises together in an ideal way? No. Does it scratch the itch? Yes. Yes it does. This is the toy that many have been wanting for decades. While it may not be great, there may be better Transformers characters to turn into a H.I.S.S Tank; there may be better Cobra characters to include as the pack-in, and there may be better ways to incorporate more of what makes the two brands unique. But considering the brief this toy has. Turn the iconic leader of the Decepticons into the iconic Cobra tank that interacts with the '80s 3.75-inch figures in all the ways the original H.I.S.S Tank did, and do it at a leader class budget. It did those to the best of its ability, and it's a great toy as a result. Maverick felt like a collector's piece. Gigawatt felt like a collector's piece. X-Spance, The Jurassic Pack 2 pack, and Dracula all felt like collector's pieces, novelties for those who like the two brands (and none of which I own, so don't ask for reviews). This feels like a toy. This feels like the toy 80's kids have wanted since they were kids. This is as fun as a toy crossing over two wildly popular '80s toy lines should be, so I recommend getting it if you can, especially if you love one of the brands and have been curious about the other.

G.I. Joe Retro Collection Cobra H.I.S.S III (with Rip It): The camera really does add mass.

Apologies for the month's hiatus. A combination of events including a return to work, lack of new toys that I feel could hold up a review on their own (I don't hear many requests for a review of the Lego Microfighters Razor Crest), an upcoming review on the other site for Pokemon Legends Arceus and work behind the scenes on recording more parts of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky for the RAWs channel. I do have something, though, that can be considered almost a prequel for a future review. Announced at the Hasbro Pulse live stream for the anniversary of G.I. Joe, fans of both G.I. Joe and Transformers will eventually be treated to a crossover toy, with Megatron transforming into a Cobra H.I.S.S. Tank. According to the stream, this will be the same size as a vintage H.I.S.S. Tank, as the toy will come with a Retro Baroness figure. So naturally, this got me curious about potentially reviewing a H.I.S.S. Tank, to do something many Transformers fans rarely get to do: compare the toy to the vehicle it's based on. One roughly $90 purchase from Amazon U.S. later, and the H.I.S.S. III is in my collection, as it was cheaper for me to get this than to find a complete vintage H.I.S.S. It even comes in Soundwave blue to act as a nice holdover until I potentially... hopefully... unlikely get that SDCC toy. Anyway, here's a review of the H.I.S.S. III.

I'll start this review by looking at Rip It, who, according to his bio sentences, can't even be described with words like mean and fearless. I might be more impressed if I saw the original card, but thanks to multi-language requirements, all I get is two sentences about how he wants to destroy things before being destroyed. I'm certainly more impressed with this guy than I am with my experiences with the Star Wars Vintage Collection, thanks to all the articulation in him. This figure is, to me, surprisingly agile. The only joint I wish he had (thanks to the Classified line spoiling me) is an inward ankle tilt. While it might be because of the extra vest over the torso, something I am looking to get a better feel of going forward, I don't see the point in bringing back the rubber O-Ring that was used in the 80s to add what would best be described as a waist swivel halfway up the stomach. While I acknowledge that these are effectively re-releases, and changing them would be akin to changing joints on Transformers G1 reissues, it somewhat fails as a selling point for me, as I've seen many other ways to do this style of movement that came out after the '80s. While Rip It and the H.I.S.S. III are 2000's toys; they are re-releases of the original H.I.S.S. Tank from the '80s, with most of Rip It's parts coming from the moulds used for the original H.I.S.S. Tank driver (except for the waist, which came from the 1992 Talking Battle Commander version of Cobra Commander). A potential Quality Control fault of my copy is his inability to stand straight. The legs want to snap back to have him lean forward a little, but this isn't the end of the world as he looks great when sitting down in the tank's cockpit. All it does is make the stand he comes with that bit more redundant for me. Still, he makes for a nice accompanying piece for the tank but wouldn't be anything special on his own.

 

Beauty in simplicity best describes the original H.I.S.S. Tank. While other versions have caught my interest thanks to how they deviate while keeping to the feel of the original (such as the 2005 version and the 2012 versions), there's still a nice charm to the original design. As with most of the parts for Rip It, this is, as far as I can tell, a repaint of the original H.I.S.S. Tank, with the only differences being the plastic colour the main body was moulded in, new paint on the tank treads, and new sticker details. There may also be differences in plastics used between releases, but if all you want is a H.I.S.S. Tank, and don't care about it not being black, then this is a valid version to get, based on looks alone. It is amusing to look at this toy after seeing how insane some of the later Cobra vehicles became in the 80s and 90s, along with how later incarnations deviate from the original look. This tank looks and feels underpowered and reserved in comparison, like looking at a picture of a Star-Wars AT-AT, without the context of the size, and comparing it to vehicles like the AT-TE and the AT-M6. Not the toy's fault of course; time is just cruel. In terms of functions, you have a set of fake wheels to allow the tank to move, though it is a shame that the wheels are locked as pairs rather than four stand-alone wheels as it makes turning harder to do. You also have a rotating turret with the linked guns to angle up and down. A tow hook is on the back of the tank, which gives it compatibility with the tow vehicles from around the time of the original H.I.S.S. Tank, but something I'm not sure can be easily used now as I don't know if said vehicles have been re-released. A figure can be seated in the cockpit quite comfortably with the windscreen able to close over them; however, hairstyle and accessories may become an issue, with three more figures able to hitch a ride thanks to the turret having room for a gunner. Two plugs on the back of the tank give space for two more figures to stand on and hitch a ride. It's certainly not the most action-packed toy, but considering it was likely intended as a moderately priced toy, not the big toy for the year but not one of the smallest either, it does the job very well. I was surprised by how small it was and the box it came in. From what I had seen, I was expecting something a little bigger, with a box much larger. It's making me question if I actually would have the room for one of those Haslab Skystrikers, but even if I did, I didn't order one, so it won't be an issue. 

The H.I.S.S. III is in an interesting position for me when it comes to summing up my views on it and figuring out if it's worth it. Hasbro reissues of Transformers aren't generally worth the cost; I believe they're overpriced for what they are (at least they are here in Australia). The main reason for this is that they've often shared shelf space with the modern versions of the characters that are cheaper, can do more, and are just overall better toys. Rip It would fall into this category as well, as while there is no Classified version of him yet, it's hard to say, "yes, go get a new version of this 80's figure that costs more then the larger figure with more paint applications, more detailed sculpting and more articulation". But there is no modern H.I.S.S. Tank on the shelves right now (at least here in Australia, where there isn't any version of the H.I.S.S. Tank on shelves). Sure, Megatron H.I.S.S. is coming out in a few months, and while that objectively does more than the H.I.S.S. III, it's cheating to do that by being a Transformer. By modern standards, I wouldn't say the H.I.S.S. III is a good toy, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy with it. The H.I.S.S. Tank is an iconic vehicle from the Real American Hero toyline, and just having a version of the tank is a delight for someone who likes the vehicles. Bringing cost back into consideration, I believe this is a cheaper way to get a copy of the toy compared to purchasing a vintage one; however, I'm not in the know when it comes to vintage G.I. Joe toy buying outside of Facebook live streams and eBay (which at time of writing didn't have a vintage copy listed anywhere). In that regard, I do think it's worth it, but in saying that, I wish there were a Classified equivalent line for bringing new versions of the vehicles to collectors' hands (albeit not in a 6-inch scale, some of those vehicles would be massive at that size). If you are a fan of the tank itself, this is a great way to get it.

Opinion Piece: Transformers x G.I. Joe, could it work? (Part 1?)

I want to take you down a thought process. With how often I review the G.I. Joe and Transformers toylines and how intertwined the two brands are, it shouldn't come as a surprise that I have been considering how a potential crossover could work. It has been something many have asked for over the years, and many of the Joe Vehicles lend themselves quite nicely to Transformers. Written before the upcoming stream announcing more of the plans for G.I. Joe's 40th anniversary, I wanted to give a pitch for how a potential crossover line could work.

 

To establish some ground rules, I will be keeping things to a standard based on the current mainlines for both brands. Generations for Transformers (Legacy, War for Cybertron, Prime Wars, etc.), and Classified for G.I. Joe. Unfortunately for those on the Joe's side, this will focus more on the Transformers standards because of the most significant issue, size. War for Cybertron: Earthrise Optimus Prime is around the same height as Classified Series Duke. Any way you want to cut it, the Joes will need to be shrunk down for this to potentially work. Perhaps at the smaller Titan Master size (Around 2 or 3cm), they can still interact with the vehicles and be large enough for things like basic paint applications. With the crossover theme in mind, this could be a good chance to modernize the Titan Masters scale, making Joes and the weapons on the other figures to be more modern armaments, or even futuristic like some of the Classified line’s weapons thanks to the Cybertronian elements.

 

The main reason for such a crossover would be to have the Joe and Cobra Vehicles have a new presence on store shelves outside of reissues. For this article, I'll be giving a wave synopsis based on how the first wave of a new Transformers line is currently distributed. From smallest to largest, these will be 3 Core Class figures, 4 Deluxe Class figures, 2 Voyager Class figures, and two Leader Class figures. 

Borrowing an element from the War for Cybertron Siege and Earthrise lines, the Core class would be based more on the Battlemasters, smaller robots that turn into weapons for the larger figures. What would make them different here is that they'd be based on the Joe and Cobra tow weapons, with each figure having a vehicle mode that can be towed by larger figures that double as a stationary weapon for the Joe and Cobra characters. It would also have a basic robot mode and can be converted into a handheld weapon for the larger robots. A few contenders for Wave 1 could be the G.I Joe H.A.L., the Cobra A.S.P., and potentially a more rigid gun that may not be able to be towed but still has the other elements of play like the Joe's FLAK. These would come with a generic trooper for the Joes and Cobra to encourage army building.

 

We'd be getting into the territory of actual characters at retail for the Deluxe class. For the Bots and Joes, a great first two would be the VAMP as Hound, with Clutch as the driver, and the M.O.B.A.T. as Warpath with Steeler. Two solid picks for the Cons and Cobra, the Cobra F.A.N.G. with a Cobra Trooper, and the Cobra Rattler as Viper with Wild Weasel. These would be in the traditional colours for the Transformers themselves, which wouldn't be that big of an issue for Hound and especially Viper. Many of these vehicles were reused multiple times over the Joe toyline, so repainting them into other Transformers, regardless of faction, wouldn't be unheard of. Viper can easily become a Powerglide later, and Hound has a lot of potential as a Stinger, though the Decepticon in question is someone I'm having trouble naming. 

 

Voyager is where things are starting to get interesting. As the figures get larger, you could include more characters with them as many of them become multi-seater vehicles of larger sizes. With the Deluxes favoring the Joes on the ground, and Cobra in the air, I'm going to flip it for the larger size. The Skystriker as Jetfire is an easy pick, with inclusions for the Skystriker as Ace and potentially Scarlett as a nod to the G.I. Joe animated series. Soundwave's often been picked as the Con for the Cobra H.I.S.S. Tank and that isn’t something I'm not inclined to disagree with. Destro or Major Bludd with a H.I.S.S. Driver would be the characters I include with the tank, and due to Soundwave being the tank, you could do the A.S.P. that I mentioned earlier as Frenzy or Rumble.

 

Finally, for the Leaders, though they rarely get Leader Class toys now, the best candidates would be Optimus Prime and Megatron. I think a good candidate for Optimus would be the Joe's A.P.C., as it would be a less drastic change for the leader of the Autobots and the vehicle style would also work for a common Optimus repaint, Ultra Magnus. I could even see Optimus transforming into a portion of the A.P.C., with the main troop carrier being the equivalent of Prime's traditional trailer. Alongside Duke, I could see the A.P.C. coming with a pair of generic troopers, or it could be an excuse to include some of the more stand-alone Joes. As for Megatron, I have to go with the Cobra Mamba, while Cobra Commander would get a couple of Gyro Vipers for co-pilots.

 

Repaint ideas have been dotted throughout this, as repaints are a staple of both brands. The vehicles above could all be made into more generic troop builders for both sides, and come with  Green Shirts or Cobra Troopers respectively. Having a Soundblaster in traditional H.I.S.S. black could be a pulse exclusive army builder that comes with two H.I.S.S. drivers instead of one. You could do a red one that comes with the Crimson guards while the twins Tomax and Xamot come in another vehicle in a later retail wave. It also means that you can satisfy both sets of fans as neither would feel like things have been badly compromised for the sake of the other. When you throw in other Transformers characters the vehicles can come with (the Skystriker as Starscream and the Seekers as noted earlier), you'd have lots of chances to build up the armies equally.

 

I'll leave it there for now, but I'd be happy to expand this further if there's interest. Feel free to let me know if you'd like to see more of these potential wave ideas and pairings or bring up any that you've come up with. Thank you to Craig Moore though for helping out with refining this piece though, helping to streamline it given that it was rushed out when compared to other opinion pieces.

G.I. Joe Classified Destro, Profit Director P.D Destro, Baroness with Cobra C.O.I.L and Movie Baroness: A large one to end the year on.

With 2021 coming to a close, bringing with it another year of trying to kill time during lockdowns, I've got one last review in me for the year before beginning the celebratory Best and Worst lists. With it being Cobra's time to shine, who's left to cover? Zartan? I've got the Pulsecon exclusive coming, so I'll wait to review both versions. How about the Red Ninjas, Cobra Vipers or Cobra Infantry? It's like ending the year with a review of a Stormtrooper, rather generic for the final review of the year. That only leaves two, and if the Joe's can have a double review of an iconic pair, why not give Cobra the same treatment? While I'm at it, why not cover a pair of reinterpretations? So, to end the year, let's look at G.I Joe Classified #03: Destro, Cobra Island #13: Baroness with Cobra C.O.I.L, #15: Profit Director Destro and #19, Snake Eyes Origins Baroness.

I'll go in the order I got them for this review, so I'll start with one of the few remaining members of Wave 1 to review: Destro (I'll get to you someday, Scarlet). Destro's an interesting case for me because out of all the Wave 1 figures; I found him to be rather dull at the time. When compared to the modernizations of Duke, Scarlet, Roadblock and Snake Eyes, Destro felt very safe and uneventful, scaled up remake of his original toy. But, with the element of hindsight and seeing how the line has evolved since Wave 1, I've grown more of an appreciation for Destro. The strengths in the design come from simplicity. In terms of design, this is a modern reinterpretation of his 1983 toy, the only new details being a new gold pistol accessory and some new paint and moulding details on the shoulders, briefcase, knees and boots. Just enough detail to break up the black without it being overpowering. Not counting the Cobra logo on the briefcase, I do appreciate the snake motif being toned down compared to characters like Cobra Commander and (as I'll go into later) The Baroness. Like with the original toy, the collar around Destro's shirt is designed like the Cobra Logo, but it's a detail most wouldn't recognize at first, adding to the brilliance of the subtlety. For accessories, Destro comes with a faithful recreation of his Laster gun, a reimagining of his suitcase to include painted in cash and a Cobra computer inside, and a gold futuristic revolver sidearm. Rather tame for a weapons specialist, but still appreciated.

If the priority for Destro was subtlety, Profit Director Destro's priority is extravagance. As for its history... it's complicated. Starting life as a traditional repaint of Destro's 1992 toy in 1997, a joke re-release was developed but not released, though some claim to have seen it at retail. The design got the nickname Pimp Daddy Destro thanks to the delightfully obnoxious leopard print added to the design, and something that Profit Director Destro (because you can't release a toy called Pimp Daddy anymore) takes and runs with. Everything about this is delightfully stupid. The gold head with the dark red and leopard print costume and the two-tiered cape with leopard skin on the back is laughable for all the right reasons. The fact that two of his accessories are a pair of pimp sunglasses (that, unfortunately, require glue to stay on) and some money on fire sells the stupidity of the design. They went all out on this repaint, both good and bad, because they overestimated how many people would want it. I still find store shelves with this guy on them as the only G.I. Joe Classified figure there, complete case assortments of them because no one's buying him. While I'm glad this exists, figures like this are why brands like Transformers have lines like Generations Selects, the lines where the semi niche, absolutely nerdy stretch repaints go for those who want more. At least if you want one, you can likely still find one in dedicated stores like Toyworld.

From a toy, they overestimated the demand for, to one they underestimated the need for (initially). Cobra Island Baroness with the Cobra C.O.I.L. I'll go over the C.O.I.L first before covering Baroness because while many people wanted to get rid of this thing and get the character, I love this bike design. This vehicle is new for the Classified line, as Cobra didn't have an equivalent to G.I. Joe's RAM Cycle. If anyone's curious, though, Coil was used as a name in G.I. Joe before. Coil was the name of a Cobra offshoot unit, and Cobra Coils was the driver's name for the 2003 vehicle, the Cobra Tread Fire. On the other hand, The Classified C.O.I.L is a modern styled motorcycle, the kind of bike you'd see in action movies. The bike is sleek, clearly built for speed while still packing a nice amount of onboard firepower. I would honestly love to see this re-released with a generic army builder repaint of Baroness. Her with a small squad of these would look imposing in a display. In terms of functionality, there isn't much here that's overly impressive. The bike has an excellent turning circle while still connected to the toy's handlebars. The ball joints used to connect the actual handles to the assembly give enough flexibility to help with attaching a figure to the bike. The kickstand also works well enough to keep the motorcycle standing upright on a shelf, and the guns can be removed and held by a figure. Is it a mind-blowing accessory? No, but I certainly prefer it over the RAM.

As for The Baroness herself, like the regular release of Destro, she's a faithful remaster of her early toy design, with grey patches helping to break up her outfit without detracting from the black and red. While I love the sculpting and moulding done for the body, I'm not a fan of the head sculpt they gave her. The big offender of this is the glasses they gave her. While they look better than the glasses she used to have, the frame style makes her look older than the rest of the sculpting lets on. While it works for a faithful reimagining of the 80's Baroness, I don't think it works for her modernization. Due to the inclusion of the bike, she doesn't get her rifle from her original toy, instead coming with two golden pistols, a small knife with a snakehead on the handle, akin to the sword Cobra Commander comes with, a helmet for the motorcycle which better incorporates all the joints in the neck, and... some snake gun that involves you sliding her arm through the coils made by the tail? I hate this gun; it stays in the accessories tub. Overall, she's not bad, and she does look outstanding alongside Destro. She's just not what I think of when I think of a modernization of The Baroness.

Ironically, that title would go to the Classified figure of The Baroness from the Snake Eyes movie. Based on Úrsula Corberó Delgado's portrayal of the character, though that's only obvious in the head sculpt. I love details like the shorter, more filled out hairstyle, along with the more angular glasses frames with smaller lenses. Details like that help modernize a character without subtracting from the original design. Another design element inspired by the original toy is the pure black costume with the red Cobra logo. Thanks to a healthy mix of matte black and glossy black, adding subtle separation in the detailing, it doesn't look as bland as you might think it would. One other change is the inclusion of heeled boots, helping to give the figure a sense of authority. One issue I have with the proportions is a minor one; I feel like the neck is a bit too long, something that's highlighted by the fact that this design for the Baroness has her wearing a Choker, along with paint on the torso to help better define her neckline. For accessories, she comes with a submachine gun with a removable silencer (yes people, a Classified figure that has a realistic weapon!) and two machete-like knives. You can remove the glasses, but I consider it more of an accessory to have the likeness align with the actor rather than the character. Because I don't recall her taking the glasses off during the film, they're something I prefer to keep on her and don't consider them an accessory. Though the Cobra Island one may fit in better with the rest of the line, Movie Baroness is an excellent representation of the character and one I recommend even if you're not collecting the Snake Eyes movie figures. 

Though my views are overall mixed when it comes to the four of them, I was pleasantly surprised with how much I appreciated Destro now that I've spent time focusing on him and how much I enjoyed the Movie Baroness. All four figures have the feel of a line still trying to figure out what it wants to do going forward, so it'll be interesting to see how 2022 treats the line, now that things like a pandemic delayed movie won't hamper it. I'm genuinely surprised the line has kept my attention, especially as this started life as an experiment. Marvel Legends didn't catch on, Star Wars I didn't end up trying because Star Wars content doesn't get much attention from my audiences, so to see the Joes, a brand that struggles outside of America, get interested in Australia enough for people to read the reviews of someone using them not only as an excuse to get into the brand, but also begin collecting traditional 6-inch figures has been quite relieving. I have more plans to review more Joes and Cobra characters in the future; maybe someday I'll give the Vintage toys a review as the vehicles were what got me interested initially. Until then, though, reviews will be put on hold until 2022... at least, that's what I would say, if I didn't have one last one in mind. There's not going to be a better time to review him, so next week: The Big Guy.

G.I. Joe Classified Cobra Island Major Bludd: Really trying to break that first boss stigma aren't ya Bluddy?

Due to my lack of knowledge about broader points on the franchise, particularly the "A Real American Hero" era, some characters get a lot of attention, but I struggle to grasp why. Jinx is one, but that's because I've only seen her in the original G.I. Joe movie, where her gimmick was that she was a lousy fighter unless she was blindfolded. While she's more interesting in shows like G.I. Joe Renegades, the original source wasn't that interesting for me. I bring this up because Major Bludd is another one of those characters. He's somewhat interesting in later interpretations (though I struggle to remember much about them), but he came off as a very "First Boss" member of Cobra in the original cartoon. Brock from Pokemon Gen 1, the wrecking ball from Sonic 1, Wispy Woods from Kirby, bosses you remember existing, but don't leave much of an impression because they're the first boss. When he was leaked for Classified (remind me to do a post at some point talking about Hasbro leaks if it interests you because I've got stuff to say, but it may not be interesting), it was a fitting inclusion, but one I probably would have skipped if I didn't know of an easy way to get Classified Figures imported. So, how's the serious, adult collector reboot treating you Cut Man? 

Sculpting wise, Bludd is an interesting figure when compared to other figures in the line. Design-wise, he looks to be a take on the original design run through the same filter as the v6 version from 2005. Going into this review, I thought the cybernetic right arm was an introduction for this design of the character. Still, it looks like it was a part of the original toy (just more visibly shown as a robotic arm and not just an unpainted black arm). Bludd has the feel of a front line trooper in terms of design; he has more body armour and protection on him when compared to other Cobra leaders. I love how the body armour is designed; it's refreshing seeing an extra layer over the torso that doesn't block the ab crunch. It makes him look far more dynamic when compared to figures that limit that joint. The robot arm is also very nicely detailed, thanks to an aggressive feeling sculpting the "metal" plates look like muscle, and even sculpting under the shoulder pad to explain how the arm would move if it were real. Unfortunately, on my copy of the toy, the ratchet in the joint is exceptionally stiff, and I've barely gotten it to move outward. It's not an inherent deal-breaker, as any position I want to replicate can be faked without it; it's just a minor blemish on the quality control. 

While I like the look of the base figure, I'm not as sold on his accessories, though. The two guns look great, and the helmet looks good while it's on him (it would, however, be nice if it worked similar to Lady Jaye's hat to make it more secure on him), everything else is a bit of a miss for me. The dog tags I find to be entirely redundant, and I often leave them off. The backpack with the rockets is the biggest oddity for me. You can plug the rockets into one of the two guns, but because the gun is designed like a handgun, it looks awkward when it's got a rocket on the end of it, doubling its length. Is the pack meant to be like Mandolorian jetpacks, and the rockets are meant to fire from the backpack? If so, couldn't there be some better way to secure them because breathing on them will knock them out. The accessories are based on the original toy, but I don't think these do a good job replicating them because the gun from those toys looks like it's more of a, to put it the best way I can, a rocket crossbow launcher without the bow. Here, the rockets look like an optional form of ammo, and it makes the launcher look awkward as a result. The gun makes for a great looking firearm but an awful looking rocket launcher. This is one figure I'm content with not having completely geared up.

While the core of the toy, Major Bludd himself, is excellent, some elements could have taken a bit longer to perfect, to improve. However, I can see why many people like him; Bludd would likely make my top 10 of the Classified line so far. The best of the line so far? I'm not convinced of yet, but part of that comes from not knowing who would be that "best of Classified 2021". That list will come, but I have two more G.I Joe reviews to get through this year first. The focus of those reviews is up to you (as I doubt any new products will make it here in time). Your choice of Joes are: Scarlet, Flint, Lady Jaye, Breaker, and Commando Snake Eyes with Timber. For Cobra, your options are Destro, Zartan, Cobra's army builders and The Baroness. You have until my next upload, which will cover the Pulsecon reveals that interest me. That will be next week's post, but the following review will be one I wanted to do months ago, but delays got in the way. Rodimus Prime!

G.I. Joe Classified 14; Storm Shadow (Arctic Mission): That one placeholder every one has

There are certain characters in franchises that, when a new tv show, or movie series, or toyline becomes available to the consumer, their appearance is more a matter of how long of a wait it'll be before they show up, not if they'll show up. Storm Shadow is one of those characters for G.I. Joe, at least anything based on the 80's version. People knew Storm Shadow would come, but no one expected this to be his first release in the Classified line. Arctic Mission Storm Shadow, an Amazon exclusive based on (as far as I can tell) a mix of the 1993 Ninja Force release while borrowing elements of a semi-recent version of Storm Shadow from 2011-2012 (that YoJoe only identifies as v44). Many people identify Storm Shadow as a member of Cobra, so for his first release in the Classified line to be based on the toy where he was a member of G.I. Joe, it felt odd to many. Considering the hurdles the line had so far due to the pandemic last year, it wouldn't surprise me if we were supposed to have had a "regular" Storm Shadow by now, and this was meant to come out around the same time as it. However, we're still waiting on said regular release, so while we wait for a version of Storm Shadow that isn't tied to the movie, let's see how this Amazon Exclusive one goes. 

Do you recall the designs from Batman Begins for the ninjas in the League of Shadows? I know that comparison has probably been brought up multiple times when talking about this character, but it's almost inescapable. But that's not inherently a bad thing. While the more traditional Storm Shadow design is a statement for the character's personality, he's so confident in his skills as a warrior that he's willing to go into battle against enemies with powerful guns in nothing but a Gi. But an armoured look does still have its advantages, especially when the armour is light. It gives Storm Shadow a feel similar to that of specific versions of the Batman Suit, such as the ones used in the Nolan Trilogy. Aside from the extra warmth that this would bring (it is being sold as a suit for Arctic Missions after all), it's armour that looks to protect him from blades and other close-ranged attacks, armour Ninjas would generally wear if needed. Where it loses intimidation with the lack of protection, it gains a different kind of intimidation as now you'd need to figure out where the weaknesses are in the armour and hope he doesn't know them as well. It makes the design very comparable to Snake Eyes in that regard. I think it's a comparison that works well, highlighting how similar the two are, even if they don't see eye to eye.

One other advantage this design has is that the armour sculpting hasn't impacted the articulation too much. There's no ab crunch blocking vest here, the only thing on here that gets in the way of movement is the belt and skirting around the thighs, and even then, it's only a minor inconvenience to move the hips and thighs. One thing I wish it had, though, was ways to store his accessories, accessories that I'm hit and miss on, to begin with. Going down the list, Storm Shadow has a bow, an arrow, a quiver pack, grappling hook, removable hood (though the process of it is slightly tedious, so I don't consider it an accessory), a scythe, katana and sheath for said katana. I love the katana and sheath, mainly as they painted the blade, making the sword look that much more impressive. I'm not as big of a fan of the bow, arrow, and quiver because they are not very consistent. The bow (which looks excellent, thanks to the gold and black paint) is missing something resembling a bowstring out of the box, and the arrow is surprisingly tedious to have Storm Shadow hold. Perhaps if there was a bowstring, the arrow could hook onto the string and then have Storm Shadow hold the string? The arrow itself also can't go into the quiver, and because the arrow is unpainted white plastic, it stands out badly against the quiver's gold arrows. There's also nowhere to store the bow, scythe and grappling hook (which for the record does have a line attached to it) without having Storm Shadow hold them, so there's no way to store all the accessories on him, unlike Snake Eyes. It wouldn't have been impossible to do. The Red Ninjas (a review I hope to get to at some point) are an excellent example of this. It's a shame that the same care didn't go into storage for Storm Shadow, especially as all that would have been needed was a hook and hole on the belt and a bowstring for the bow to hook it over a shoulder. While I know the intention is for collectors to add their bowstring if they so choose, this review focuses on the figure straight out of the box, which is why I keep bringing the lack of it up as a negative.

While the accessories bring Storm Shadow down a bit for me, I still think the base figure looks great. Suppose the regular release of Storm Shadow is a repaint of this version, armour and all; I think it would look imposing. I think it fits the character, and it makes him look more intimidating as a result. I could see it working well alongside the armies of Red Ninjas people have in their collections, as those also have the armoured aesthetic. Above all else, Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes look great together on a shelf, which is what you hope for in the release of two rivals. Even though this version of Storm Shadow is a Joe, getting this and Snake Eyes into a fight is fitting and looks good. When I write this, we're back in COVID lockdown (because we clearly haven't spent enough time in lockdown), so it'll be a while before I see the Snake Eyes movie. A minor change to the schedule. What was going to be a combined review of Studio Series Hot Rod and Kingdom Rodimus Prime is going to now be split in two, as a delay has caused Rodimus to not show up at my house until mid-August. Rodimus will come soon, but at least his younger self can get a review first.

G.I. Joe Classified (Cobra Island) 21; Firefly: Now with 100% less explosive robotic flireflies.

"Exclusive figure". A term that screams pain and misery for a lot of collectors due to the extra difficulties. For Transformers, especially during the War for Cybertron Trilogy, complete teams would be divided thanks to exclusivity. One of the worst offenders of this recently was the Earthrise release of Starscream, where if you wanted to complete the six main Decepticon Seekers, you would have to find five of the six in three different retailers (at least in the U.S.). For international fans, the product even coming to your country isn't a guarantee. Just because a product might be exclusive to Target U.S. doesn't mean it's exclusive to Target/ Target equivalent stores internationally. When you have a line like G.I Joe Classified, where retailers are barely stocking the mainline where you live, let alone getting store exclusives like the "Cobra Island" subline, then your best option is to look elsewhere and hope the price isn't too high. So how did I get a Firefly? Facebook. Facebook contacts and Buy/ Swap/ Sell groups might not be the official way to get the products, but when the demand isn't meeting the supply, you go elsewhere. Was Firefly worth the trouble, though?

To start with, Firefly is, for the most part, a repaint of another Cobra Island figure, Beachhead. As tempting as it would be to do a dual review of them, I don't own a Beachhead. He and the Cobra Island Cobra Trooper are the two big holes in my Classified collection so far. It would be great to review at some point, but that won't be anytime soon. The two significant differences between them are the accessories and the ab crunch blocking vest the two figures have. Like with Roadblock, I am not a fan of these vests in execution, but I'm willing to make an exception for Firefly due to the design and the intended purpose of the vest. It's an explosive resistant vest meant to protect the wearer from heat and blasts from explosives, so a thick vest that's harder to move around makes sense for the character. I love the sculpting on it, things like the pockets at the front, the crotch and butt flaps, the grenades on one shoulder, with a shoulder guard on the other; it's well done. My only real complaint with it comes from the figure's neck. Thanks to some Q.C. issues, the neck on my copy of Firefly is a bit stiff, and when you combine it with the vest's neck protection, getting the head into positions that require him to look down are just a bit harder than they would otherwise be. I've been able to do it on mine, but it's often required taking the head off the ball joint, positioning the neck, and then putting the head back on. 

While I like Firefly's accessories, in theory, the execution is hit and miss for me. He comes with a handgun which... ok, tangent for a moment. One point I see brought up now and then that has people split, most leaning towards viewing it as a negative, are the weapons looking like Nerf Guns. I honestly don't see that comparison as bad, as the sculpting on many Nerf guns is very impressive. Most of the Nerf guns I have seen and used are only held back (in terms of a visual design) by their colours to ensure they comply with safety standards and don't look like real firearms. If you give them a better paint job, one that doesn't scream, "I'm a toy for kids to shoot with!" most Nerf weapons can look like really intimidating weapons. One of the frequent reasons I hear about it being a bad thing is the desire for realistic armaments, which is a fair reason, at least for G.I Joe. But for Cobra? I don't see the appeal. Most of their technology has often aired on the sci-fi side of the spectrum anyway. What realistic vehicle is the H.I.S.S. tank supposed to be? The S.N.A.K.E.? Serpentor's Air Chariot? The Trouble Bubbles? To my knowledge, the A-10 Thunderbolt doesn't have VTOL capabilities, and the Blackbird didn't have a second vehicle that attached to the top of it. So, why is Cobra using weapons inspired by a toyline that blends realistic design cues with futuristic ones a bad thing?

Alongside the excellent looking gun, Firefly comes with a pair of goggles that he can wear, a backpack to store most of his gear, a cluster of Dynamite sticks for an explosive, a drone, and a tablet controller for the drone. The only two significant problems are the dynamite and the tablet. The tablet can barely stay in his hand, and it takes next to no effort to pop it out, while the dynamite doesn't fit at all. I cannot for the life of me get him to hold the dynamite. Supposedly, the drone can carry the dynamite, but the connection for it feels, to use a Lego building term, illegal. It feels like connecting the dynamite to the feet of the drone puts strain on the drone's legs and could break them. With all of his gear on him, along with his grey camouflage look, he stands out in a good way when standing alongside your other Cobra figures, as the grey stands out nicely among the mainly dark blue, back and red aesthetic. 

While Firefly is a nice figure, the question about "is he good?" comes back to the issues related to the distribution of the Classified line, especially Cobra Island branded figures. He's a solid figure overall, not the best, but not the worst. He's average for the Classified line, which is still very impressive considering other 6-inch figures in other toylines. But was he worth the inflated price I paid for him second hand because there was no hope in him getting an official release here in Australia? Not really, no. If he were spectacular, then I would say it's worth getting him, but because he's only an average figure in an exclusive line, it's hard to not look at the effort needed and go, "he's not worth it".

G.I Joe Classified 06; Cobra Commander and Regal Cobra Commander: And now for some different forms of buckethead.

For every hero, there is a villain, or at least there should be. The 1980's G.I Joe reboot, A Real American Hero, wasn't originally going to have an offensive force to fight against. Originally, Hasbro wanted the Joes to fight other companies toylines like Star Wars. I can imagine the epic battles between the Joes and the evil forces of Lego Castle. When Marvel, who was working with Hasbro to develop a comic series to tell the toyline's story, told them "No", a random idea resulted in the creation of the Joes, now infamous villains. Cobra, "a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world"... it was the 80's, terrorism wasn't immediately associated with radicalized Muslims flying planes into buildings and bombing places in the general culture that's quick to label anything and everything in black and white. Well, now that I've probably pissed a lot of people off with that comment, let me quit when I'm behind and review that one time Starscream was the leader of an army and why it was probably for the best that he never gets to lead the Decepticons, Cobra Commander.

For this review, I'll be looking at two versions of the Commander. The general retail release Commander, which has a darker, more realistic colour palette, and the Hasbro Pulse exclusive Regal Cobra Commander, boasting a brighter cartoon and 80's toy accurate colour scheme. There is a third out there that was a San Diego Comic-Con exclusive before COVID happened. It became a Hasbro Pulse exclusive with more accessories and a different colour scheme, going for a mix of black, red and gold. Due to the fact that shipping is a problem, and I'd rather not spend triple digits on a $40 figure, we're not covering it in this review, ok? Ok.

 

I'll quickly touch on the articulation, as while it's similar to Duke's from back in February, both versions I have seem to suffer from different quality control issues. On the regular retail version, the hinge in the shoulders to help bring the arms closer to each other rarely wants to stay in any position other than getting the arms in closer, especially the left shoulder, though thankfully, the Epaulette does hide that. When using some of the accessories, you don't even notice it. The Regal variant doesn't have that issue in the shoulders, but the ab crunch ratchet is uncomfortably stiff and does not feel good to use, at least on my copy. If you ever wanted an example of how the QC is in the Classified line and how varied it can be, that should give you an idea when comparing two versions of the moulds. One minor note that may or may not be quality control, the rubber sashes and Epaulette are noticeably looser on the regular retail copy than the Regal version. However, I don't know which one should be correct in terms of application. 

The sculpting and paintwork on both figures give Cobra Commander a very ornate. It's fitting for a character that is so over the top in terms of personality (at least going off the 80's cartoon), and the Military General Dress Uniform fits this personality perfectly. The dark blue and black colours make up most of the colour on the figure on the regular retail release, with beautifully contrasted accents done in silver, gold, and dark red paint. I love how the snake motif is integrated into the sculpting without overpowering the look. It's on the strapping and Epaulette, the sheath for the sword, the black patches on the coat (not counting the gauntlets) and red striping on the pants. Enough for it to be noticeable, but grounded enough to have it still be a realistic-looking uniform. Regal Commander shares this aspect with the sculpting, but it's harder to notice on him due to the brighter colours. Everything that was dark blue on the regular version is now a more brilliant blue, in line with the 80's look. The black patches on the coat, the red striping, and the black gauntlets and boots have all been swapped out for dark blue. Anything that was silver (except for the visor) is now gold, giving him more of a presence due to how loud the colours are compared to the general retail version. The only complaint I have with the paint is that the gold doesn't look as durable or as well applied as the silver, but even the silver on the regular retail version has some issues when it came to the application, mainly the front of the left shoulder.

 

I love the head sculpts on both of them. There's enough detail to make it look visually interesting, without things being distracting, like many of the designs from Rise of Cobra. It's a shame that he doesn't come with an alternate head to look like the Hooded Cobra Commander in any version of the figure, but the accessories he does come with are good enough. While I wish he came with the sceptre as Snake Supreme does, both figures come with a handgun that's sculpted beautifully while still keeping the snake theme toned down. Due to both guns only being one colour, the snake detailing looks more like ornate detailing, which fits the figure as a whole. The same thing sadly can't be said for the sword. Both figures come with an elaborate dress sword that, while the blade looks solid and formidable if you dare try to put it into his right hand, something I haven't tried to do, the Cobra head for a sword hilt stands out badly against the rest of the figure's more toned down snake aesthetic. I wouldn't mind as much if he came with the sceptre, but as it is, it looks awkward. Unlike all the other figures released so far, Cobra Commander comes with four hands, two left hands and two right hands. For the left hand, you have a fist or an open hand that could be either a "resting comfortably hand", "resting on sword hand", or an "I'm going to rule the world!" acting hand. You have a trigger finger grip hand that will hold the gun and a pointing hand on the right. These hands sell the figure. He's surprisingly expressive purely because of the hands for a guy with a mirror for a face. It would have been nice for the figure to come with a version of each position for both hands. It would be excessive for a figure to be released with eight hands, but the possibility for photos and displays would be worth the CAD file mirroring required to pull it off. I hope to have some picture tests in a new photo set up on my twitter feed sometime during the week.

"Decepticons! Megatron has fallen! I, Cobra Commander, am your new leader!... Wait, wrong series, but you should make that red, white and blue jet with the beautiful voice your new leader!"

 

Like with Duke, Cobra Commander is a nice modernization of the original character. But unlike Duke, the sci-fi elements don't clash as hard against the design, partly because Cobra always had one foot in sci-fi and didn't need to get around the logic loophole of realistic, modern army people using space guns. While Duke can look a bit too generic as a general army person at times, this is unmistakeably the Commander. Both the regular and Regal versions have their unique charm, and both are worth picking up, depending on your preference.