With 2021 coming to a close, bringing with it another year of trying to kill time during lockdowns, I've got one last review in me for the year before beginning the celebratory Best and Worst lists. With it being Cobra's time to shine, who's left to cover? Zartan? I've got the Pulsecon exclusive coming, so I'll wait to review both versions. How about the Red Ninjas, Cobra Vipers or Cobra Infantry? It's like ending the year with a review of a Stormtrooper, rather generic for the final review of the year. That only leaves two, and if the Joe's can have a double review of an iconic pair, why not give Cobra the same treatment? While I'm at it, why not cover a pair of reinterpretations? So, to end the year, let's look at G.I Joe Classified #03: Destro, Cobra Island #13: Baroness with Cobra C.O.I.L, #15: Profit Director Destro and #19, Snake Eyes Origins Baroness.
I'll go in the order I got them for this review, so I'll start with one of the few remaining members of Wave 1 to review: Destro (I'll get to you someday, Scarlet). Destro's an interesting case for me because out of all the Wave 1 figures; I found him to be rather dull at the time. When compared to the modernizations of Duke, Scarlet, Roadblock and Snake Eyes, Destro felt very safe and uneventful, scaled up remake of his original toy. But, with the element of hindsight and seeing how the line has evolved since Wave 1, I've grown more of an appreciation for Destro. The strengths in the design come from simplicity. In terms of design, this is a modern reinterpretation of his 1983 toy, the only new details being a new gold pistol accessory and some new paint and moulding details on the shoulders, briefcase, knees and boots. Just enough detail to break up the black without it being overpowering. Not counting the Cobra logo on the briefcase, I do appreciate the snake motif being toned down compared to characters like Cobra Commander and (as I'll go into later) The Baroness. Like with the original toy, the collar around Destro's shirt is designed like the Cobra Logo, but it's a detail most wouldn't recognize at first, adding to the brilliance of the subtlety. For accessories, Destro comes with a faithful recreation of his Laster gun, a reimagining of his suitcase to include painted in cash and a Cobra computer inside, and a gold futuristic revolver sidearm. Rather tame for a weapons specialist, but still appreciated.
If the priority for Destro was subtlety, Profit Director Destro's priority is extravagance. As for its history... it's complicated. Starting life as a traditional repaint of Destro's 1992 toy in 1997, a joke re-release was developed but not released, though some claim to have seen it at retail. The design got the nickname Pimp Daddy Destro thanks to the delightfully obnoxious leopard print added to the design, and something that Profit Director Destro (because you can't release a toy called Pimp Daddy anymore) takes and runs with. Everything about this is delightfully stupid. The gold head with the dark red and leopard print costume and the two-tiered cape with leopard skin on the back is laughable for all the right reasons. The fact that two of his accessories are a pair of pimp sunglasses (that, unfortunately, require glue to stay on) and some money on fire sells the stupidity of the design. They went all out on this repaint, both good and bad, because they overestimated how many people would want it. I still find store shelves with this guy on them as the only G.I. Joe Classified figure there, complete case assortments of them because no one's buying him. While I'm glad this exists, figures like this are why brands like Transformers have lines like Generations Selects, the lines where the semi niche, absolutely nerdy stretch repaints go for those who want more. At least if you want one, you can likely still find one in dedicated stores like Toyworld.
From a toy, they overestimated the demand for, to one they underestimated the need for (initially). Cobra Island Baroness with the Cobra C.O.I.L. I'll go over the C.O.I.L first before covering Baroness because while many people wanted to get rid of this thing and get the character, I love this bike design. This vehicle is new for the Classified line, as Cobra didn't have an equivalent to G.I. Joe's RAM Cycle. If anyone's curious, though, Coil was used as a name in G.I. Joe before. Coil was the name of a Cobra offshoot unit, and Cobra Coils was the driver's name for the 2003 vehicle, the Cobra Tread Fire. On the other hand, The Classified C.O.I.L is a modern styled motorcycle, the kind of bike you'd see in action movies. The bike is sleek, clearly built for speed while still packing a nice amount of onboard firepower. I would honestly love to see this re-released with a generic army builder repaint of Baroness. Her with a small squad of these would look imposing in a display. In terms of functionality, there isn't much here that's overly impressive. The bike has an excellent turning circle while still connected to the toy's handlebars. The ball joints used to connect the actual handles to the assembly give enough flexibility to help with attaching a figure to the bike. The kickstand also works well enough to keep the motorcycle standing upright on a shelf, and the guns can be removed and held by a figure. Is it a mind-blowing accessory? No, but I certainly prefer it over the RAM.
As for The Baroness herself, like the regular release of Destro, she's a faithful remaster of her early toy design, with grey patches helping to break up her outfit without detracting from the black and red. While I love the sculpting and moulding done for the body, I'm not a fan of the head sculpt they gave her. The big offender of this is the glasses they gave her. While they look better than the glasses she used to have, the frame style makes her look older than the rest of the sculpting lets on. While it works for a faithful reimagining of the 80's Baroness, I don't think it works for her modernization. Due to the inclusion of the bike, she doesn't get her rifle from her original toy, instead coming with two golden pistols, a small knife with a snakehead on the handle, akin to the sword Cobra Commander comes with, a helmet for the motorcycle which better incorporates all the joints in the neck, and... some snake gun that involves you sliding her arm through the coils made by the tail? I hate this gun; it stays in the accessories tub. Overall, she's not bad, and she does look outstanding alongside Destro. She's just not what I think of when I think of a modernization of The Baroness.
Ironically, that title would go to the Classified figure of The Baroness from the Snake Eyes movie. Based on Úrsula Corberó Delgado's portrayal of the character, though that's only obvious in the head sculpt. I love details like the shorter, more filled out hairstyle, along with the more angular glasses frames with smaller lenses. Details like that help modernize a character without subtracting from the original design. Another design element inspired by the original toy is the pure black costume with the red Cobra logo. Thanks to a healthy mix of matte black and glossy black, adding subtle separation in the detailing, it doesn't look as bland as you might think it would. One other change is the inclusion of heeled boots, helping to give the figure a sense of authority. One issue I have with the proportions is a minor one; I feel like the neck is a bit too long, something that's highlighted by the fact that this design for the Baroness has her wearing a Choker, along with paint on the torso to help better define her neckline. For accessories, she comes with a submachine gun with a removable silencer (yes people, a Classified figure that has a realistic weapon!) and two machete-like knives. You can remove the glasses, but I consider it more of an accessory to have the likeness align with the actor rather than the character. Because I don't recall her taking the glasses off during the film, they're something I prefer to keep on her and don't consider them an accessory. Though the Cobra Island one may fit in better with the rest of the line, Movie Baroness is an excellent representation of the character and one I recommend even if you're not collecting the Snake Eyes movie figures.
Though my views are overall mixed when it comes to the four of them, I was pleasantly surprised with how much I appreciated Destro now that I've spent time focusing on him and how much I enjoyed the Movie Baroness. All four figures have the feel of a line still trying to figure out what it wants to do going forward, so it'll be interesting to see how 2022 treats the line, now that things like a pandemic delayed movie won't hamper it. I'm genuinely surprised the line has kept my attention, especially as this started life as an experiment. Marvel Legends didn't catch on, Star Wars I didn't end up trying because Star Wars content doesn't get much attention from my audiences, so to see the Joes, a brand that struggles outside of America, get interested in Australia enough for people to read the reviews of someone using them not only as an excuse to get into the brand, but also begin collecting traditional 6-inch figures has been quite relieving. I have more plans to review more Joes and Cobra characters in the future; maybe someday I'll give the Vintage toys a review as the vehicles were what got me interested initially. Until then, though, reviews will be put on hold until 2022... at least, that's what I would say, if I didn't have one last one in mind. There's not going to be a better time to review him, so next week: The Big Guy.
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